Monday, January 4, 2010

so this must be it, welcome to the new year

corny motion city soundtrack title, you say? sorry, i couldn't think of anything better. but without further ado, here it is. the official "looking back on 2009/here's to new things in 2010" post.

i can't really say that 2009 was my year or anything that extreme. but it was definitely a memorable one, and probably one of the happiest i've had in quite some time. i definitely feel like i have more direction in my life than i've had in previous years. i'm a sophomore in college. [i haven't dropped out yet.] i'm an english major and actually enjoying it so far. i've met lots of new bands this year, and countless new friends all across the country because of them. i made it to fifty-five shows. [that's a little more than a show a week.] you can call me whatever you like because of that, but music is my passion and it's as simple as that. no other explanation. and when i look back at my "resolutions" post from last year, i am confident that i did i pretty damn good job. i did things for me - things that made me happy - and tried my best not to worry about other people, in two different aspects. one - by not bending over backwards time and time again for people who don't reciprocate, or at least appreciate it. and two - by not letting what others thought about me get in the way of what i wanted to do. and i also discovered that music is not only my passion and a part of my very identity, but have been slowly learning about how that can be given real-world application. [read: current internship] i can't say i passed with flying colors, but progress was made last year and i'm happy with it.

as for this year, i'm not really sure... there has without a doubt been a lot of brooding going on over break. it's just what happens when i'm home alone for a solid month. and i think i've come to a few conclusions. nothing super concrete, but it's something nonetheless. i've come to realize that there isn't much tying me down to st. louis anymore. i came home for break with intentions of hanging out with all these friends and reconnecting with people i hadn't seen in ages. i'm not sure what kind of grand plans i had in mind, but what happened was nothing even close. besides the trip to nashville and soon-to-be trip to chicago, i've basically been hibernating and spending quality time with my laptop and Netflix DVD's. and being alone has taught me a lot. it's taught me to think purely for myself, and not with others in the back of my mind. it's taught me to be self-sufficient and do what makes me happy. if there's no one else around, there's no one to judge me and no one to tell me 'no, you can't do that'. so i guess what i'm trying to say, is that all of this is wrapping up nicely in my head - with the thoughts of nothing tying me to st. louis, [or columbia for that matter] i am free to go wherever i please. and do whatever i please. and since i have no real connections in these cities, i can go where i DO have connections, specifically, music connections. and where are those places, you ask? well if you know me and/or read this blog, it shouldn't be hard to figure out.

so what am i trying to say here? i'm not even sure, to be honest. but here's what i know. i know that as much as i complain about the uselessness of school, i want that piece of paper. i want that degree. and i'm getting it in english because that's the next best thing. the degree is the back-up plan. the musically-involved connections are the real plan. as for this year - the start of a new decade - i plan to keep on moving forward. a friend was telling me the other day just how different i was from the rest of our little group. everyone but me has been in a longterm relationship; i'm always the single one and always feeling the weight of that. but she was explaining to me that everyone else is willing to just graduate college, get married, and settle down in a house with their family. "you're unique you still have big plans for your life and they're different than ours. you haven't found the guy for you yet, because you're not even in your element yet." everything she said painted this really clear picture, and i like it. and i'm excited. so this year, i'm gonna keep doing what i'm doing. i might be going against the grain and against the ways of society, but i'm okay with that, i'm comfortable with that. because i have so many amazing people backing me up. so thank you friends, thanks for inspiring me. you know who you are.

2010, i'm ready to take you on for everything you're worth.
i will be honest.
i will be hard-working.
i will be sincere.
i will be passionate.
i will be myself.
i will love.
and most of all, i will discover.

"learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness."

Monday, December 28, 2009

itunes top twenty five

a friend of mine wrote a blog not too long ago; he commented on the fact that you can tell a lot about someone by their top twenty five most-played songs in itunes. it really was fascinating, so i thought i'd do the same. [i also need to get my computer fixed; my playcounts may or may not survive... so here are the ones that matter in case i lose everything.] i'd like to make this a yearly thing to see how my tastes change, so let's hope the playcounts make it through the trip to the computer doctor.

1. untitled/fork and knife - brand new
2. millstone - brand new
3. should you return - copeland
4. tautou - brand new
5. jesus - brand new
6. sic transit gloria... glory fades - brand new
7. typical - we the living
8. skinny love - bon iver
9. saint paul - we the living
10. it's about time - barcelona
11. i will play my game beneath the spin light - brand new
12. sowing season - brand new
13. degausser - brand new
14. okay i believe you, but my tommy gun don't - brand new
15. sedated - mikky ekko
16. half the girl - we the living
17. re: stacks - bon iver
18. blood bank - bon inver
19. best laid plans - we the living
20. the day i lost my voice (the suitcase song) - copeland
21. guernica - brand new
22. limousine (ms rebridge) - brand new
23. the first single (cause a scene) - the format
24. london rain - we the living
25. heartbeats - jose gonzalez

i'll let the list speak for itself, but here are a few notes i'd like to make:

  • the last time i listened to any of the numerous brand new songs up there, was in july. five months ago. i'm not sure what happened, but my obsession is finally slowing.
  • untitled/fork and knife, the number one song, is actually just a single. it's not even on an album. it's really different from anything else brand new has ever put out, and i think that's precisely why it's number one.
  • mikky ekko's sedated is at a lofty number fifteen. i learned of his existence a mere two months ago. whoa.
  • the first time i heard the song heartbeats, was actually as a cover by william beckett on his acoustic tour last year. it made me cry, thus i had to find the real song.
as for my predictions about next year... who knows. i have a feeling brand new will eventually cycle out and copeland, manchester orchestra, the working title and barcelona will take over. but we shall see. i still have a bunch of money to spend on all new music.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

please don't go - william fitzsimmons

there is something about this time of night. something about this song on repeat. something about it that reduces me to just the bareness of my soul and makes me so utterly calm, yet so broken down and torn up inside and exposed to everything in the world, all the hurt in the world, yet all of it's beauty - it's dizzying amount of beauty - all at once. it leaves me speechless. and it breaks me down to tears.

it makes me want to hop in my car and drive with the windows down so i can feel the wind rip through my hair, even though it's an icy twenty degrees outside. makes me want to call you right now just to talk about it, but it's four in the morning and i prefer the realm of my comfort zone. i want to know what THIS is. what is it, that gets into my heart and eats it alive, yet motivates it and moves it like this? it breaks my heart, but i think it heals it a little bit, all at the same time. it's happiness and complete loss and sadness at the same time. and i just don't understand how that's possible.

this was private. and i'm wrestling with making it public. raw thought without any edits. here we go, before i change my mind.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

st. louis: cavashawn and eikon

another blog? and so soon?

"devon, we're tired of your fucking show reviews."

i can read your minds already. but it's just too bad; you'll have to get over it. because it's what i do. and i try my best to keep in mind that i should write for myself, not to please an audience. have patience; because every once in a while a heartfelt something-or-other makes it's way in here. but for now, here's a little diddy about some of my favorite chicagoans.

amanda and michele came in town for this show and i couldn't have been more excited. i was still riding out the wave of my nashville high, and another show was right around the corner. partayyyyy. these two girls are some of my favorites and i would consider us the original three muskateers of our little "music group" if you will. they showed up to my house at two so we sat around and talked for a while, eventually got some dinner and headed down to cicero's. one of the bands dropped off the bill last minute, so some singer-songwriter was added and played first. he was alright, but i don't really remember much of him. we were too busy catching up on gossip, since that's generally all that gets thrown around when cavashawn comes to town. [the latest being that cavashawn got asked by the academy is... to join their "almost here" anniversary show at the metro... how fucking rad is that?] they eventually played second to a good sized crowd. lots of regular fans, lots of psycho fan-girls, and lots of fans of the headlining band, eikon, who played next. man oh man. this is my third time seeing eikon, and every time they just get better and better. i'm terrible at it, but if i had to do some comparisons, i'd say they remind me of a mix of thom yorke [solo album, not exactly radiohead] and muse, maybe. i'm sad to say i have yet to really talk to any of them or introduce myself, but i do know they're originally from st. louis, and moved to nashville about a year ago. the first time i saw them they claimed it was their last show since two members were going away to college, but obviously they're back in action. i know i don't really have the authority to say who's a legit band and who's not... but these guys are the real deal, and i don't think they quite realize it. i've been to a lot of shows and i've seen my fair share of bands. and i just know - i get this feeling - when bands have really hit the mark. and these guys have that "something" about them that's caught my eye. their myspace doesn't do them much justice and neither do their recordings even [look em up on itunes and listen to 'careful hands steady hands'] but the live show... whole different story. i'm just patiently waiting for the years to pass and hear their name pop up again in some magazine or whatnot. i have faith that they can "make it", whatever that means in today's music world.

so anyways. enough about bands that i don't even know. we sat around for a while afterwards and we eventually all made our way to a steak n shake. i don't know what it is, but the combination of us girls plus four band boys received lots of stares that night. hilarity ensued, good food was had, and we eventually said our goodnights and goodbyes. love those boys. what a fantastic night. we headed home and crashed into bed. amanda and meesh headed home around ten or so the next morning and that was that. successful trip to cicero's. if only i could count exactly the number of shows i've seen there... it's a ridiculous one, that's for sure.

upcoming blogs: some sort of "looking back on 2009/resolutions for 2010" narrative, a list of my top 25 songs in itunes, a list of unsigned bands that will forever humble me, and a treaty of paris review after their cd release party on january 9th -- BAM.

Friday, December 18, 2009

nashville: we the living and mikky ekko

ohhh nashville. nashville crashville. as in crash on a couch cushion in the hallway sharing a pillow with some dude you met a few hours ago... but we'll get to that in a minute.

this is the show i'd been waiting for. this is the show that i made up a "dying aunt" for, so i could take my french final early and be able to go. the things i do for my friends and the music they make... it was my first time going to nashville; surprising, considering just how many shows i drive to. left around two, took my time, made a few stops and showed up at 12th and porter at a little before eight. and at the exact same time as nora, her brother ryan, and her friend olivia, which worked out perfectly considering i went alone. [what's new?] we meandered our way in only to find out that doors were at nine. so we [maybe?] crashed some family holiday party in the bar area until doors opened. the show didn't end up starting until close to ten. we the living played first with a full band! read: FIVE people! oh em gee! and they've never sounded better. it was probably the best i'd heard them, and they even played joy. oh happy day. there was a pretty full crowd too, so that was nice to see. sarah silva was next and DAMN does that girl have a voice. close your eyes and you'd think it's a fifty year old black woman; open them and you see a slinky little blond up there belting it out hardcore. so yeah, she kicked ass. up next was mikky ekko. holy saint that is mikky ekko. praise be to mikky ekko, the almighty master of the nashville scene... [too much? please, don't question it.] he was fantastic. best live show i've probably ever seen. he could have stood up there in a clown suit rapping in spanish and i would have been just as enthralled. i really can't even explain, it was just amazing and that's about all i can tell you. and for all his insanely crazy moves and weird stage presence... totally quiet and shy in person. very... out there. but wicked sweet.

i traded lots of hugs post show, met lots of new friends including tim, brian and molly and jp's girlfriend audrey, and talked with both sarah and mikky for a little bit. he definitely knew who i was because of facebook and twitter when i introduced myself... "it's mueller right? devon mueller?" *fangirl moment* [i was also introduced as @devonlynn earlier in the night... twitter is taking presedence over real names these days, didn't ya know?] so we [me, nora, olivia and ryan] eventually headed out and made our way to wethecastle, better known as wethefrathouse in my humble opinion. we got the obligatory tour, hung out for a good five minutes... then the beer arrived and before i knew it, was being peer pressured into a game called civil war. [some friends i have, huh? tsk tsk.] it's basically a free-for-all beer pong with more beer. so i played barely two rounds [thanks for chugging my leftovers matt] and was drunk within oh... maybe like a half hour? haha. ben and i then proceeded to polish off an entire bag of doritos. oh yeah. ridiculous shenanigans ensued until six in the morning... but i must protect the identities of the innocent as well as the not so innocent. we all ended up crashing for a few hours in the hallway. right in front of someones door. on couch cushions and band-van seats. yeah, it was great lemme tell ya. so i laid there for a few hours, got up and dragged myself into the kitchen. drank amazing coffee, said goodbyes to fantastic new friends, woke up lazy bum who was still passed out at two, and eventually was on my way back home. no idea how i survived that drive. whew.

so here i am. back to the harsh reality of real life which shouldn't even seem that harsh since i'm on break. but it does for some reason. those people, the combination of all of them together, just makes me so happy, so truly and honestly, one hundred and ten percent happy, that i don't know what to do with myself. i sound like a fucking cheeseball but it's true. plain and simple. i love my friends. my band friends, my band-related friends, my far-away friends, both new and old. and i love how randomly i have met each and every one of them.

*warm-fuzzies-but-wishing-i-were-still-in-nashville*

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

identity

i am not some definition you can look up or find in a dictionary. there are no synonyms of me either. i am not a cookie cutter person. there is no right or wrong answer about who i am. i am fluid; constantly changing and constantly figuring things out, discovering myself and becoming myself. tell me no and i'll do it out of spite. tell me you think you know who i am and i will immediately show you something different. the fact of the matter is, i can't define myself.

i do know that i have opinions. and some of those opinions involve refusing to have an opinion. i know that i am smart. i am a christian. and i am a libertarian. i would consider myself peaceful and open-minded. i am a romantic at heart. i think freud believed in a load of bullshit. and i have very strong opinions when it comes to music. and very strong opinions about my friends and their music. i will always put up a fight for them. because i believe in them. i believe in God, i believe in love, i believe in truth. and i believe we each have an identity that is to each our own, and that is so sacred.

the point is this. i may not have it all figured out. and i may never have it all figured out. but i am in the process, and i am learning. i am trying to establish my identity. i am trying to establish what i stand for, who i stand for, what i love, and who i love. and i am trying to find the answers. my sociology class this semester has taught me to constantly ask questions and never search for answers - "the knowledge stops when you answer questions, the conversation stops" is what my professor tried to drill in our minds. there is nothing wrong with asking questions. but i believe there are indeed answers out there. i KNOW there are answers. for each and every one of us. for me. and i intend to find them.


"how am i not myself?"

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

lawrence: the noise fm

i've seen a lot of the noize boyz recently and it's been great. they're so down to earth and so polite and i just can't get enough of the sweet southern accents. they'd been peer pressuring me to come to one of their hometown shows for a while now and this was the perfect opportunity. nothing better than a holiday show on a saturday to round out the last week of the semester. mike and sonja made the drive over from chicago, those crazy cats. it was thursday night when mike texted me "hey we're driving through columbia right now and i thought of you". long story short, we ended up at cracker barrel! haha. it was so weird to see them in my neck of the woods; i'm always the one making the drive up to chicago. but anyways, we had dinner, chatted, said goodbyes, and that we'd all see each other again on saturday.

saturday rolled around and i made the two and a half hour drive west - not too bad and i'll admit, this was only my second time venturing any further west than columbia. first time in lawrence too! it's a cute little city and has a really small downtown area - reminded me a lot of the loop in st. louis. the boys were [like always] too kind and guest-listed me, and i got to the bottleneck right in time for doors. the stage was beautifully decorated with presents, trees, lights, balloons and everything holiday-related. the opening bands were nothing to write home about, but mike kept me company and the noise fm eventually played fourth out of five bands. it was great to see them amidst a legit crowd, and it was even more exciting to see them rocking out while wearing ugly christmas sweaters... i made it home by around three something in the morning.

so that was saturday. i took my one and only final on friday and turned in my one and only paper earlier today. and that was it. my semester is over and done with. today is monday [tuesday morning] and i am sitting at home in st. louis nice and comfy by the fire. thank god i got that french final rescheduled; it was originally supposed to be this thursday at five thirty in the evening... but i'm trekking down to nashville on thursday to see we the living, so that wasn't an option. solution? fabricate a "dying family member" that i must visit, and therefore get my final rescheduled for an earlier date. i'm so going to hell. but hopefully it'll be worth it. i'm looking forward to a relaxing few days at home, some fantastic times in nashville, then some quality time with amanda and michele this weekend who are coming in town for the cavashawn show. good times ahead, my friends.